"... and so it's a new year."

Another revolution around the sun, good for us. I hope everyone has made peace with their 2023 and is ready to face the challenges of 2024. I've straddled the transition of time with some throwing in the studio, some drawing and some steadier writing. I'm still working on the "anger" and "purpose" concepts my shrink tasked me with. I was digging through more papers of my parents the other day and came across those school scrapbooks, the ones where you record your education from kindergarten on through high school. Per grade, you write down your teacher's name, your friends' names, your favorite subjects, a place for your school picture and a pocket for your report cards. Mine also had a checklist of things you wanted to be when you grew up at the bottom of every page. I changed my ideal career every year. A nurse, a teacher, a horse trainer, an artist, an archeologist. To a certain extent, I'm still on track although I'm done with the nursing part of it after MOTHER.

It got me thinking about childhood dreams and goals. Growing up in an apartment in a dense suburb of NYC and then living in the city proper for decades, I had thought I had given up on the horse part of my childhood dreams. What I found out once I moved to my farm in Eastern Kentucky, was that I picked up where I had left off. I never really dropped those dreams of owning a horse. And now I can say I accomplished that dream. So as I contemplate my lack of direction after my mother's death and all the caretaking, not realizing how my mother conditioned to be the caretaker as my purpose (to the extent that I have never fully given myself over to pursuing being an artist so I always had time and energy to take care of my folks just in case they needed me), I'm thinking again about new dreams that can once again be a beacon for me when I'm having a down day.

Fun with teapots. Haven’t made these in a while…

Mental and emotional progress for me looks like itsy-bitsy increments that come back and meet themselves, ebb and flow, up and down. I am now more attuned to when I push myself too fast. I am astonished at how involved the process of healing was. Is. Still is. And I'm proud of my tenacity, of sticking with it, of having the perseverance to keep going, the optimism to believe that tomorrow still contains hope, the faith I have in myself that when the time is right, I'll know and I'll move forward. I do have to revisit facing fears again. I know I can overcome my irrational self so I never despair even if I do get tired of the drudgery. What path forward awaits me, I wonder!

As they say, Happy New Year, everyone!

Hello 2024!